I had a moment the other day with my son where I thought he called me something awful (he didn’t) while he was angry with me. At first I puffed out my chest, filled my lungs with air, and belted out “WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?” My feathers were most definitely ruffled. I saw him wring his little hands together as fear flashed through his eyes, and in seeing his pain my heart flashed a message to me to stop. I was presented with a moment where I could press him about what he said and yell at him for whatever perceived insult I thought he was saying to me, or I could use this opportunity to connect with him in a way that could show love and compassion.
It was similar to the time earlier in the week where at first my son threw a huge fit about the broccoli I put on his plate, and I, in my threatening mom voice, said well you don’t have to eat it but you get NOTHING else for the rest of the evening. He broke down saying “Why are you punishing me for how I eat? We were having such a wonderful day until this!” and I realized in that moment, he was right, this wasn’t the parent I wanted to be. Instead of doubling down, I was presented with an opportunity to show my child that I can make a mistake, acting in a way that wasn’t in accordance with the person I aim to be, and how I can admit where I had a shortcoming, and repair it.
Through a lifetime of experiences, I have been programmed for anger, with a need to control my circumstances and thinking the world is against me. In both of these situations, that anger bubbled up inside of me, but I was able to listen to whispers from my heart that showed me I can make a different choice that I can feel proud of. Each opportunity led to me connecting deeper with my sweet boy and lovingly concluded favorably.
My best friend and I were recently discussing, can we really change? How do we know if we’ve really changed for the better? I questioned, do we ever really change the program or is the darkness always there but we just learn to make better choices? Everyone’s journey is different, however, I believe we truly can grow where things that once triggered us don’t, but we may always have to keep choosing the light. It can get easier, but it may always be there. Truth is, we don’t concretely know. A solid step forward is awareness. In the past, these types of situations would have sent me raging, or ended with a major power struggle and everyone in tears. Progress has certainly been made within myself.
If we can learn to listen to our hearts more, searching for a way through chaotic moments to the best possible outcome with love, I think we’d be surprised at just how quickly our lives can improve and how much joy we can put out into the world. Where will you be choosing to focus your light today?
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